Hi my name is Absynthe, I am a pretend sex symbol, amateur drag queen, & a professional bitch. I live in Portland, Oregon, which according to Portlandia, means I'm a freak. I aspire to be the coolest bitch in the trailer park. My drag inspirations are Madison Montgomery, Tara Reid, & Marshmellow from Bob's Burgers. I enjoy white Zinfandel, eating Nutella directly from the jar & Friday nights spent worshipping the Dark Lord. So yeah, enjoy your time looking at half naked mens, all of my shameless selfies, and shit I found funny while I was drunk.

P.S tell your dad to quit snapchatting me.

the-average-gatsby:

the-average-gatsby:

imagine a horror movie where you’re trapped in your house with a serial killer but all your lights are clappers

so you’re running for your life from this psychopath while both of you are just aggressively clapping the lights on and off

out of all my 3:00 AM ramblings you guys decide to make this one popular


masscracc:

You’ll do what?


Marilyn knew what was up


psyducked:

bout to take the ride of my life

psyducked:

bout to take the ride of my life


space-grunge:

Brad Pitt in Rolling Stone magazine 1999

space-grunge:

Brad Pitt in Rolling Stone magazine 1999


croowley:

animateglee:

Umbridge: “Boys and girls are not permitted to be within 8 inches of each other.

[gay wizard laughter]

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